GELIE AKHENBLIT
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Stop being boring

7/28/2016

6 Comments

 
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Yes, I'm talking to you! 

I'm talking to the person that walks around the networking event asking everyone their name what they do for a living. 
The answer to both of those questions is ... who cares?

When you ask me those questions, it's really just a generically boring ice-breaker ... all you're trying to do is get a conversation going so that you can tell me what you do for a living and hopefully I'll buy from you. As soon as I've told you my name, you already forgot it and when I tell you what I do for a living, you're just sizing up my answer to see if I would be a good fit for whatever you're peddling. Sound familiar? I thought so ... 

And that, my friends, is why networking gets a bad rap. 

In the scenario that I described above, there is not much room for a true connection point. It doesn't mean that it won't happen, but you're limiting the opportunity from the get-go. 

True networking happens when you're able to establish a personal connection with a complete stranger. 

I know ... it's much easier said than done, but there is a bit of a formula to it. 


​First and foremost, stop being boring. Stop asking what people do for a living and focus on what really matters ...
... their story. 

Who is this stranger standing in front of you? How did they end up in the same room at the same time as you? What are their interests, passions and hobbies and what is their "why?"​

These are the things that truly matter. 


So the question I would encourage you to lead with is "what's your story?" 

Most of the time, they will look at you with a bit of a confusion and proceed to tell you what they do. After all, they probably didn't read this blog and don't understand what's happening. They have been trained to only talk shop at a networking event ... 

... help them get out of that boring box!

After listening to what they do, politely say, "that's great ... but I asked what your story is ... where are you from, how did you end up at this event ... what are you interested in?" 

This interaction right here, is what true networking is about. You're making friends. You're getting to know strangers on a personal level. You're actually making a connection that can turn into a mutually beneficial relationship. 

People love talking about themselves and this is a great ice-breaker to let them do just that ... 

You become more interesting to people when you seem interested in them. Show that you are genuinely interested in who they are as a person as opposed to just what they do for a living. That conversation will happen naturally after the initial connection, so there is no reason to lead with it. 

Make sense?

I'll leave you with this famous quote that I'm sure you've heard, but can always hear again as a refresher ... 

​“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” - Maya Angelou

6 Comments
Rob
7/28/2016 01:25:32 pm

Gelie,
Great comments and spot on. It is almost like being in a room full of robots with their canned questions and answers. And when one person goes 'off script' the other person(s) does not know how to handle it and get a little put off. But those that truly get it love it and you can see them open up. And that is what you want which in turn may lead to new business. But better yet, you probably earned a friend.

Continued success.

Rob

Reply
Gelie link
7/28/2016 01:43:38 pm

Spot on, Rob ... that's how you make friends!!

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John Graham Seeliger
5/14/2020 11:42:24 am

I used to be a reporter -- trained to ask questions. Then YEARS in advertising and marketing.

Yet, when you ask people about their story, an astonishing number will shuffle their feet aw shucks and answer that ... erm ... uh ... I don't really HAVE a story ... what do YOU do?

Which is nonsense, because EVERYBODY has a story. They just don't know it yet.

So the trick is to probe gently ... "Oh, come on ... EVERYBODY has a story ... tell me about where you grew up " ... then they remember ... and they'll usually open up with more and more, virtually unaided.

The other trick is, while they're talking, for G0d's sake LISTEN. Don't be surface-listening just to frame your next question, but LISTEN DEEP.

Then you'll know how, why, when and where (and if) you can help each other, whether business or personal. And where you mutually go from there.

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Gelie Akhenblit link
5/21/2020 03:26:22 pm

John, it's like you LITERALLY took the thoughts out of my head and the words out of my mouth. This has been my experience of day 1 with networking and I describe this exact scenario when I teach about networking. Thank you for taking the time to read and leave your thoughts!

Gelie

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dan
5/20/2020 01:01:20 pm

His (or her) typically story means the past. I'm more interested in what one's dreams are, a.k.a. the future and what they are doing to work towards it. Definitely less boring than the usual..

Reply
Gelie Akhenblit link
5/21/2020 03:27:23 pm

Ah yes! Asking people about their passions and interests in life is also a great way to connect!

- Gelie

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